All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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