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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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