Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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