Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
