Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
