Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
