woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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