So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
