you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
