I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
