Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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