but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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