I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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