somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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