there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
