If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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