I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
