I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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