so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
