We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
