i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
