my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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