Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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