My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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