Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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