Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
