i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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