well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
