dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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