If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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