The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
