based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
