If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
