Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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