I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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