porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
