Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
