like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
