HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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