Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she told me i tasted like america
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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