You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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