having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a search helicopter?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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