so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
