I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
