I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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