Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
