Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
