i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
