what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
