Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
