Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are the jesus of drinking
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
