I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
