yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
