So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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