I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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